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Wednesday, June 28, 2017

f*ck what others think

Over the course of my 23 years of life, I’ve had my fair share of moments worrying about what others thought of me. Like most, I’ve been criticized, rejected, talked about (not in a good way), and made fun of. We’ve all been there. But why do we care so much about other people’s opinions, even those of total strangers? Because it’s human nature to want to be liked and accepted. The desire for connection and to fit in is one of the six basic human needs according to the research of Tony Robbins and Cloe Madanes. 

If there’s anything I’ve learned throughout the years, it’s that the less you give a damn about what others think of you, the happier you will be. 

Here is how I taught myself to stop caring what others think:

1.) Realize that no one cares as much as you think they do. 
Everyone is busy thinking about themselves. The human brain has like a gazillion thoughts a day. You might be 1 thought out of a billion. They think about you, talk about you, whatever, and then they move on. Don’t sweat it. 

2.) Unhappy people are usually the ones evaluating and judging others.
The happiest people I know are always evaluating and improving themselves. 
“The people who go out of their way to make hateful comments must have a pretty crappy life. Why would someone who is happy or building a worthwhile life take the time to do nothing more than be hateful?” 

3.) Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.  
Stay true to yourself and know your values. Be proud of who you are and not ashamed of how someone else sees you. In thirty years, nobody is going to remember your choices except for you. 

4.) Don’t entertain negativity.
Purge your life of negative and toxic people and resources. Negative people are cancerous. I am noooooo stranger to defriending people or unfollowing them on social media. It’s simple, if someone doesn’t make me feel good, I don’t keep up with them. Same goes for real life. 

5.) Not everyone is going to like you and there’s nothing you can do about it. 
My young naive brain grew up with the notion that if you’re nice to someone, they should be nice back to you. I quickly learned that’s NOT always the case. Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to want to be your friend…and that’s okay. Don’t waste your time trying to get everyone to like you, because guess what? It’s impossible! Instead of worrying about who doesn’t like you, focus on being a better person for those who do. 

6.) Only trust a few opinions. 
Find a few close people in your life that you know you can trust—people who know you and have your best interest at heart. For me, that’s my family. For some of you, that might be your friends or a teacher, or whoever. Find your people and confide in them. Others opinions don’t matter. 

7.) Detach yourself from response. 
This one I learned from fitness guru, Elliot Hulse. You need to learn how to detach yourself from the good AND bad responses from others. Notice how people respond to you, but don’t carry it too far. He uses this example of a “bird in a tree.” You have a bird in a tree singing his sweet song—person #1 thinks, “Thank you for singing such a sweet song.” Person #2 thinks, “That bird is so f*cking annoying.” Guess what the bird does? He keeps singing because that’s what he does, and that’s who he is. He is unaffected by the good and bad opinion of others. 

8.) Become your own best friend. 
Learn how to make yourself happy. “When you are your own best friend, you don’t endlessly seek out relationships, friendships, and validation from the wrong sources because you realize that the only approval and validation you need is your own.” 

9.) F*ck em. 
This one I learned from my dad. Just be you and if people don’t like it—f*ck em. Kurt Kobain once said, "I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not." 

10.) Let go of perfectionism. 
Realize that everyone has flaws and you don’t need to be perfect to be accepted by others. If you learn to accept your flaws and imperfections, no one can use them against you. 

11.) Focus on yourself. 
Self-love, self-respect, self-worth..there is a reason they all start with “self.” You cannot find them in anyone else. 

12.) When someone speaks of you negatively, be flattered.
To be in someone’s mind is to have power over them. Revel in the fact that they subconsciously reserve thoughts and energy for you.

13.) This is your one life. There are no do-overs. 
Last but not least, you gotta realize that we only get one opportunity here are on earth. People are always going to judge. People will be ignorant assholes. People will always have an opinion. The solution: screw what they think. Let loose and live your life. Spend your time and energy living an awesome life and using your talents, gifts, and abilities to make the world and people around you better.

What’s worse: the opinion of others? Or not living your life to the fullest? 

“You can’t let people scare you. You can’t go your whole life trying to please everyone else. You can’t go through life worried about what everyone else is going to think. 
Whether it’s your hair, clothes, what you have to say, how you feel, what you believe and what you have. You can’t let the judgment of others stop you from being you. Because if you do, you’re no longer you. You’re someone everyone else wants you to be.”

Keep on keepin’ on—
XX, Laura

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