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Monday, February 12, 2018

lessons on love

In light of Valentine’s Day being this week, I thought I’d share with you a little of what I’ve learned about love and relationships over the years through my own personal experience, reading and observing others.

real love is accepting other people just the way they are
This one I actually learned from the book, The Four Agreements. The author states, “Real love is accepting other people the way they are without trying to change them. If we try to change them, this means we don’t really like them.” I’ve definitely been guilty of this in the past…trying to mold a man into what I wanted him to be, or falling in love with his “potential.” Of course there’s always room for improvement, but I learned that initially you should love someone for exactly the way they are. Nobody’s ever going to be perfect but it is much easier to find someone who is already what you’re looking for than hoping they’re going to change into what you want later on. Likewise, it’s equally important to find a person that loves you just the way you are. 

know your love language 
I have learned that it’s important to know your "love language" when it comes to dating. For example, affection and words of affirmation are important to me in a relationship. I’ve dated both kinds of guys: one who was affectionate, and one who was not. I never knew this was important to me until I didn’t have it. If my mom was here she would say, “That’s why it’s so important to date, Laura.” Similarly, if you want someone who is joyful, don’t settle for someone who is “kind of” joyful. Or if you want someone who is fun, don’t settle for someone who is “kind of” fun. 

you attract what you are
The law of attraction states that, “like attracts like.” This means that you attract what you are. If you are insecure and unsure of what you want, you’re more likely to attract someone else who is insecure and unsure of what they want. Same goes for someone who loves life and is full of energy, they’re more likely to attract someone who also loves life and is full of energy. Become who you want to attract. This leads to my next point…

a better you will attract a better next
Stop worrying about finding a great partner, instead focus on being a great catch. Being single isn’t a time to look for love, it’s a time to work on yourself and grow as an individual. I truly truly believe that if you focus on bettering yourself, God will bring you the person you are meant to be with when he feels that you are ready. 

the right man for you will pursue you
This is a lesson I wish I could shake into girls everywhere. If a man is truly into you, there will be no need for you to do the pursuing. There will be no confusion. The man for you will not leave you wondering whether he’s into you or not. Women like to complicate men, but they’re actually quite simple: they either want to be with you or they don’t. 

there’s a lot of pebbles on the beach 
This is a lesson I learned from my dad (also a saying that I’m pretty sure he made up himself). What he means by “there’s a lot of pebbles on the beach,” is that there are SO many people in this world. Don’t get hung up on someone who doesn't treat you right, doesn’t like you back, stay bummed over a break up or settle for someone just because you want a relationship. There are SO many friggin' people in this world, there is no reason to feel sad or hopeless about “finding the one.” There’s someone out there looking for somebody exactly like you. 

Last but not least…

patience 
The partner that God has for you is worth the wait. If it’s not happening for you right now, it’s because it’s not your time just yet. I read a quote a long time ago that said, “You can’t rush something you want to last forever.” My parents have always said to me that love will come when you least expect it. So while you’re waiting, you might as well enjoy the ride…

Keep on keepin’ on—
XX, Laura 

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